Larissa, 18, Japan.

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My Story.



My Suicidal Thoughts.

A nice, personal writing pad for your thoughts 'n stuff

To the 9 year old wanting to die My best friend is dead He killed himself and he is gone. I will never have a best friend like him. I know that there is someone out there who loves you and who's life would turn upside down if you were to die. You are nine He was sixteen Live your life all the way It's not your time and it was not his time. Please don't put anyone through the pain of losing you life gets better pull be happy just wait Sincerely, Anonymous
I am only 9....but im in serious depression im insecure and i fake a smile i tried to cut and commit sucide and Music pulled me through everything and i get good grades, i have only 2 friends and they use me and im overweight and im never god enough and my family thinks im worthless and I cant take this....But no one helped me and im that funny good girl but....I am so alone i cant handle it anymore 💔💔💔💔💔😪😿 And i never told anyone about my depression... Sincerely, Anonymous

Hey, Love.
You’re only 9 years old. You shouldn’t be thinking of suicide . You should be playing outside. I know you might feel lonely,but that’s pretty much how school life works. You should just try and make new friends. And if you feel sad,just talk to your parents. Suicide is a serious thing and I don’t even think you know how serious it is. Tell your parents, can you just do that for me? And if you need to talk, anytime, I’m here. Okay?

i can’t take this anymore. just fuck all of this.

everything is a mess. my life, my mind. i don’t expect anyone to understand, ‘cause i can’t understand it myself. i want everyone to leave me alone. i don’t want to talk about it, the fear grows even more inside of me. people think it’s easier if we let it all out. but, it’s not. i hate it hearing myself having to explain what happened to me, what it makes me depressed. i just want to make it go away, but it doesn’t.

I am 14 and I have been suicidal for 2 years already. My parents have no idea but I've been told that life would be better if I just killed myself one time they were beating me up. I walk the school hallways everyday, drowning in my own misery and most days I just want to collapse. I cut myself secretly at night when everyone goes to sleep because I'm afraid of what will happen if someone finds out. I flunk everything and I am in both physical and mental pain. I love the sadness too much. Help. Sincerely, Anonymous

i am sorry to hear that. honey, this can’t go any further. you have to tell your parents ok? don’t be scared. just tell them. they’ll understand. you don’t have to go through this alone. you have to get the help you need. don’t cut yourself ok? it’s not worth it. you’re 14. you’re still a kid. you don’t deserve this pain. you got so much to live for, and you don’t even know it. i’ll be here always if you need to talk. but please go and tell your parents. don’t be afraid, ok? 

stay strong, and don’t hurt yourself anymore, please. 

i wake up, my phone’s light is flashing green, means i have a message. it’s from some friends, they ask me how i’m doing. and i lie. I say I’m ok. everything it’s fine. i feel dizzy, but i manage to grab my cigarettes and lighter. i’m just trying to control the stress. after a little while i get up , make some coffee, drink it. my parents ask me how i’m doing, again, i lie. they’re being too nice lately. maybe because they know i’m dead inside. i make my way back to my bed. i listen to some music, that says it’s all going to be okay. but i still don’t feel not at all okay. it’s been almost four years. i don’t think i’ll ever feel okay. i watch some movies, skip breakfast, sometimes i skip lunch. i don’t feel like getting out of bed, but i have to. i have to try to show my parents that i’m okay. so when they come back from work, i spend some 20, 30 minutes with them, and then go to bed again. my brain tells me to kill myself, very often. i try not to listen to it. but sometimes i can’t. and i hurt myself really bad. every cut i make, i feel a little bit better. it doesn’t hurt. i really wish i’d cut myself really deep, so i could just die already. but I’m so useless that i can’t even do that. after cleaning it up, soon my mom tells me to eat dinner. i eat a little, and now i have to wait, about 30 minutes, cause now they’ve taken me to see a psychologist. and now i have pills to take. i’ve been taking for 2 days. i don’t really know how it works, but one of them says its to make me sleep better. but the first day, it gave me night terrors.. the second, i couldn’t sleep that well. anyway, i still have to take them, i don’t want to, though. it makes me sleepy but i still have suicidal thoughts. i don’t think these will work at all. i go to sleep, and i know the next day will be the same. -

i thought i’d shared what’s like my life, daily.

i’m scared guys. i really am. i thought i’d be able to let go but i can’t. it’s been what? almost four years. and i’m still scared. i don’t know what to do. and i can’t sleep at night. i feel like cutting myself, just bleed to death. it’s selfish i guess, but that’s what i think about. i feel like dying. i don’t expect anyone to understand it. i told my parents about it, and they’re taking me to get “help” next week. and i’m scared about it too. just wish i’d stop being scared. i’m so worthless, really.

I've been having a lot of depressive episodes recently. My friends encourage me to talk to them but I don't want to bother them with my problems. I can't talk to a psychiatrist because i don't want to get my parents involved. I feel so alone and suicidal. What do you suggest i do? Sincerely, Anonymous

hon, you can’t take all this on your own. you need help. ok? i know its hard to talk to your parents about it. trust me i do. 4 years later, i finally admitted to my parents that I need help. and that’s what i’m doing next week. you can’t let yourself sink into that dark depressive hole. it’s scary, and there will be a time that you won’t even have the energy to ask for help. take a deep breath, talk to someone, to your friends, or parents or even a teacher (if you’re still in school) 

you deserve to be happy, and you need to get help. that’s what you gotta do. stay strong, and if you need anything, i’m here. always. <3

Im pregnant an using coke just was put out of my apartment living in a room going crazy. Feel worthless, usless i have 12 year old dnt like her to see me like this Sincerely, Anonymous

okay, so. I bet it’s not easy to stop doing drugs if you’re really addicted to it.  but you have a 12 year old daughter, and a baby coming  on the way, you should get help. just think about your daughter, and your baby. it’s bad for you, for the baby and for your 12 year old. it’s not going to be easy, and there will be times that you’ll feel like doing it again, but what if something happens to you? and your baby? your baby deserves to live, to see the world, to go to school, get married, and all that. and it will affect a lot your daughter, she might fall into depression too. she needs a mother, and you need to be there for her so she won’t. keep that in your mind and your heart. get help. start over. you’re not worthless or useless. you’re just  lost, and you need to find your way out. stay strong, and get help for you, and for your kids. just be the best mother you can be. <3 

Hello , I found your tumblr and i instantly really have to talk to you about something and hoping you would help me out. I feel like dying everyday because I feel like everything is just falling apart. I have a boyfriend of 3 months but my ex came back. I think I still have feelings for my ex but what about my boyfriend ? People usually say if you have feelings for the second one , leave the first one then. I just don't wanna break anyone's heart :( what should I do ? Pls tell me Sincerely, Anonymous

Love, if you still have feelings for your ex. you should be honest to your boyfriend. you can either tell your boyfriend now, and he’ll be sad, but he’ll move on, or you can stay with your boyfriend, but you would be breaking your heart, and his. if you lie to him, he’ll be more upset than if you tell him the truth. he deserves to be happy, and you too. if your ex still has feelings for you too,  then it’s all good. you guys could get back together, but just don’t play with your boyfriends feelings. it would break his heart even more. and i know you don’t want that. so be honest. that’s all that it takes.